Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Oh they love the new me. Ty: No, he's Eddie's brother. That was a love letter to Eddie Winslow from Eddie Winslow. I mean the guy's a feeb. Carl, someone parked their own piece of junk in our driveway. Myrtle Urkel: Oh, how true, how true! Carl Otis Winslow: After you left, I saw your boy Fresh Squeeze at the door. It's not fair. Uh, we're, uh, playin' hide and seek! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What kind of plans? [Waldo nods as Eddie goes to the next name]. You kissed me. We'll start with a common Korean phrase. Or was it yellow? Laura: Urkel, don't your parents feed you? Newsflash, Eddie! I wish I'd never done it. Come here, let me give you some sugar. Oh my God! Laura: [gasps] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry please forgive me. Suppose I made it happen. Laura Lee Winslow: How fast are we going now? And I'll be coming home tomorrow. Laura: Well, he's all yours, Eddie. and-so-the-balance-shifts-blog. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Failure to signal. Steve Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? Laura Lee Winslow: Now, for the championship and the toaster oven, who made the first patented shoe sewing machine? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No, I *am* a serious little nerd. Judy Winslow: Um so Grandma are you gonna be a June bride? Steve Urkel: [points to Eddie] His words, not mine. Someday, I'll thank myself for this. Harriette: Well, if he remembers you, he's used to you looking like a jerk. Waldo: Life is short, and so it Gary Coleman. I can't even tell her it won't ever happen again! While a miserable Eddie has to play checkers with Steve. [goes to the refrigerator] No root beer? Some of our pickup lines are just for laughs. I'm on duty? Web. Who does these things? [after Steve's Urk-yeast exploded all over the room]. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Steve, how did you get so good at checkers? Oh when he shows up, it's amputation time. Why are you guys dressed like that? Harriette Winslow: No, you don't have to remind me of nothing. I'm playing Boyd double or nothing. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, cool. Curtis Williams: Laura, great timing. You should've seen the look on his face when he saw five officers surrounded my car and said Surprise! [stares at the racist cop] Black. I've been there a 100 times, but this time was different. Harriette Winslow: Laura, you've had your head in those books all morning, got a big test coming up? Steve Urkel: Why, to make everyone think that the woman I love actually loves me back? Harriette: Judy, finish your Brussels sprouts. Harriette Winslow: Abrasive? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, cash is so impersonal. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl and his father planned on doing a lot of things together, but they never got the chance. Carl Otis Winslow: Only 2 of them were his. Steve Urkel: I had my first allergy attack when I was nine. The man was open all day! "Clean up your room, Edward." I can't afford a B on my permanent record. Mango? Everyone would think that Laura is in love with Steve Urkel and no one would vote for her. My parents would only take Steve if Steve's parents promised to take me. Suppose I made it happen. You're always sorry. Steve Urkel: I've taken a vow of chastity. You think she'll really kiss Steve? Sheldon is rude, vain, obnoxious, and one-dimensional. Harriette Winslow: Carl, out first table was next to the entrance where everybody was waiting to be seated. We were just having a little fun. this is when Urkel was the funniest, when he was youngest, seasons 1 & 2. [opens fire at Urkelbot who catches all the rounds in his hand], Urkelbot: [Urkelbot walks up to the robber and drops the bullets on the floor before lifting the robber off the floor with one hand], Urkelbot: [Terminator Impression] Hasta la vista, baby! Urkel, the camera was on Eddie the whole time. [removes Carl's napkin from his shirt and tosses it on the coffee table]. Let's call it recycling. I'm wearing a Bart Simpson's mug. We're getting dirty looks from old people! Laura Lee Winslow: Hey, my locker's open! Laura: Steve, I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd tutor Todd. Carl: Of all the names that I have called you , the one that bothers you is butthead? Never snort with a hangover! Laura: We're not going anywhere. Weel Good Lord man, she's an overnight success story. People just love juicy gossip! Isn't that sad? Instead of cool, it was set on Nerd. I just spend two hours talking a guy off a ledge, then found out he was a window washer. Eddie: I guess this means you're gonna ground us, huh? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wait just a minute here, Mr.McClure. Laura: Let's eat everything and see if he can take a joke! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Who would've thought Harriette was a bit friendly. Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room! Laura Lee Winslow: Sure. I wanna play some of my own records on the jukebox, but I don't know how to put them in. Ms. Steuben: Uh, excuse us just a minute. So, if I tell him I don't remember him, I'll look like a jerk and I still won't remember him. There's no one I wanna say no to more than you. Laura Lee Winslow: I'm not sure what day is this? Harriette Winslow: [Opens the candy box] Candy missing. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Well I for one am appalled. Why, I guarantee you he has studied the best! We're having big fun here. Laura Lee Winslow: [Faces Ty] Steve is my brother? Stefan Urkelle: Well, it could be a few days, or weeks, or [Steve voice] any minute now! Steve Urkel: [panicked] um perhaps you mean "biosphere"? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well hold on there big guy, listen to this. Carl Otis Winslow: How about if I convince Laura to go out on a date with you. Cop: It's also against the law. I can't breathe! Carl Otis Winslow: I do not and keep your voice down the neighbors might hear you. 11 days ago. Laura: Steve, I can't talk now. Carl Otis Winslow: You know you were rude to that guy, Harriette. Harriette Winslow: [to Rachel] Believe me! Weasel: [Eddie leaves and Weasel gets hit by Waldo] What was that for? What are you? Steve Urkel: [cracks up] Oh, that's rich! He's having the same discussion with his father. Bushwhacker Luke: Me mother was arrested by cops last night! Pick a general observation about her personality. Weasel: Yeah chill. Oh, the room is spinning. In the 1991 episode, Steve Urkel was the cousin of D.J.'s friend Julie (Tasha Scott), who gives Stephanie Tanner (Jodie Sweetin) some valuable advice, after learning that she has to wear reading . Some of our pickup lines are real-life applicable. [Rachel walks into the living room with Richie's broken penguin beak, coutesy of a jealous Judy]. Laura Lee Winslow: O.k. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Don't you worry, I'll work on him. And I hear myself telling her the same things my mother told me. Ms. Steuben: All right, class. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Make one, then Xerox It! Laura: Science class. Why, it'll ruin my transcript! Daniel Wallace: Hey, man. Eddie: Did Halle Berry return my phone call? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [seeing what Laura looks like without sleep] You remind me of a movie star. Steve Urkel: Oh, please, Laura. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh, well how did that happen? Their own version of the 3 R's? You're a fine man.You'll be spending the month of May in your room, but you're a fine young man. You showed me a picture of your dog. Steve Urkel: I bought two tickets to a concert that Laura wants to go to and offered to take her as my, get this, date! A mouse to cheese! Harriette Winslow: Oh, well it's nice to meet you, Curtis. Ms. Steuben: That's that's not funny, Steven. Stefan Urkelle: Not I know that's not Carl. It's a beautiful language. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No no no no no. Eddie: Name's Eddie Winslow, but my friends call me Eddie. If you have something to say, just spit it out. You don't want to get fried. We only have to make one quick delivery. All we had to do was drop some dead guy off at the graveyard. [Carl is appalled as he has a donut in his mouth], [Carl has just bought Harriette an exercise trampoline for her birthday. Laura: I couldn't have done this without you. [Runs with Steve to confront Waldo and Weasel], [Eddie tries to flirt with a cute girl, unaware that Carl is behind him]. Steve Urkel: [Climbs over the balcony and falls] Oh! Hey Steve, would you like a breast? Steve Urkel: And I'm Steve Urkel! Harriette Winslow: [enters the house and sees Curtis] Hi. Carl Otis Winslow: I do not care what other people think. Steve Urkel: This page is in Korean. Carl Otis Winslow: Well is she still crying? Laura: Well, Steve, I've been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. Steve Urkel: Well, ya see, we had a little muffin mayhem. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: How did she die? Me and the guys were going to have a flyer party next Saturday when you go out of town. [Steve comes out of the freezer at Rachel's Place shivering]. We're starved. Do you have any idea how much you changed him? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Yes, those were very confusing times. He opted ofr early retirement. Harriette Winslow: So Oona how are things in Altoona? The only reason I asked you to be my partner was because I was worried about my grade. This is my mother. Laura Lee Winslow: First you better sprout a chest. Don't mess with Mrs.Bonecrusher! How much will that cost me? Carl Otis Winslow: I'm not finished yet. Rachel Crawford: Good. Carl Otis Winslow: [furious] Edward is in jail. Steven Quincy Urkel: Well, then where am I gonna sleep? Steve Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? Harriette Winslow: Now let me get this straight. Why, because of you, he's swapping recipes with Wolfgang Puck. Harriette Winslow: And you agree with me? Harriette: [sobbing] Clint is driving off and Meryl will never see him again! [takes note and crumbles it, Laura slams locker door, revealing the word 'N*gger' spray painted on it]. Harriette: [unsympathetic] Yes! [skips away from Stefan and Myra towards the elevator. Carl Otis Winslow: Look at it again, Harriette. Rachel Crawford: The balcony scene is next. No. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I feel so safe in Raoul's strong arms I love him soo much and I sorta like Carl. Originally slated to be a one-time-only character on the show, he broke out to be its most popular character and gradually became its protagonist. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [brings her in to meet the Winslows] Now don't worry, they don't bite, and even if they do they've had their shots. Steve Urkel: [Pointing to the floor] Him. Does that about cover it? What are you doing with these bells? You mother once tried bean bags. All these people think the party is tonight. Steve Urkel: Oh, no I'm not. Laura Lee Winslow: It was just a little practical joke. Carl Otis Winslow: [Has just gotten wind of Eddie's flyer party] Edward! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Freddy Krueger! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [under laughing gas, laughing] I just realized, your name is Doctor Smiley. Especially this one, since Urkel breaks the fourth wall at the end. Bushwhacker Luke: 'Cause they couldn't catch her till then! Oh, yes it is! He's half-Nerd, Half-Carl. Harriette Winslow: Carl Winslow, this is the most insensitive, unromantic gift I have ever received. Willie Fuffner: [Grabs Steves gloves] Urkel, you are dead meat! They just love juicy gossip. I'm Stefan sweet thing. What's up? Get down from there! [Willie grabs Waldo and takes him with the cops who arrested them], [Steve has humiliated Willie at the party that he grabs a small glass of Vodka and pours it into Urkel's cup]. You got the whole family off on the wrong foot. And I like the Red Sox. Do these guys have game? An illustration of a horizontal line over an up pointing arrow. So long! Maybe a better word is Loud. Steve Urkel: Sh-she touched me, Carl! Willie Fuffner: [Wipes his own mouth] Thank you. Would you like that? Lt. Murtaugh: They're sending in that Urkel kid. Carl: Oh, you heard me, don't ever come back. Finally, one rainy day, I walked in dripping wet, and that same man that pushed me out, shook his head and gave me a library card. Look, I love you with all my heart, but just because you don't love me back doesn't give you the right to treat me like dirt! Steve Urkel: Yeah, but now I have an excuse. Carl Otis Winslow: Well there's no rush. Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, who are all these kids? I'm in big trouble! Laura: [Long pause] Your looks. Rodney Beckett: YOU thought you were smart? Now hit the sack. You'll never know how much time you'll have together. Steve Urkel: Your Honor, I would like to call Waldo Faldo! I just wish it would all go away, Daddy. Grab a blanket and go sleep in the bathtub. Nobody threatens my woman! Laura: That you'll never go into outer space again, Steve Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss [they passionately kiss]. Steven Quincy Urkel: I'm not through! While he was starring in "Family Matters" as Steve Urkel, White also began a side hustle as another staple of the era's popular culture . Laura Lee Winslow: Fun? You think I'm fat. [finds a note hanging on the door] Oh my God. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You know, I never thought I'd see the day that I actually agreed with Waldo Geraldo Faldo. You have the right to remain silent. He woke me up too. When I was born when the doctor slapped me, I SHOT him! Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh don't worry they promised to come back tomorrow. Laura Lee Winslow: That you'll never go into outer space again. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: You paid him off. [Eddie comes crashing through the living room in the car], [Stefan did not take his "cool boost" for that week - he wants to turn back into Steve]. Harriette: At my table, you eat them. I'll teach that. Laura: So do you Max, guess what, Steve rented us a limo. Eddie: I don't see what getting beat up is gonna prove. Harriette Winslow: And you meant every word 8 years ago. Let's just get there! Now, I may have taken a sip of my mom's coffee, but I Chain: I'm talkin' about the other kind of wired! Self respect. Rachel Crawford: Mother Winslow, when you when you Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Bite the big one? Cassie Lynn: Becky Sue! Harriette Winslow: Carl, those are my personal and private thoughts. Steve Urkel: Well, it starts out with a little cough. Chocum hi chip chok!". Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, I just feel so helpless! Big guys have never played keep away with your hat on a cold day. [Eddie, Clarence and Steve are arrested by the police for theft.]. And I just got the wax sucked out of my ears! [Eddie leaves and Carl puts the chair away] Well that took care of everything. Why, you teach us things about life! Fortunately, when I was young I had no friends. Rachel Crawford: Well, I'm planning dinner for a very, very special friend.
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