I know that she was hugging my hearth with pride when I graduated. Mary kramer February 19, 2018 at 8:11 pm Reply. He knew it was going to hurt us but he also knew Id b ok. He struggled a bit socially and maybe never really felt quite accepted or loved. I wont cost the public any money as I have paid my funeral and have life insurance covering any costs attributed to my death, no funeral no hoorahs no coffin just cremation, and a special trip to the murray and my sons grave spreading my ashes. Rhonda Frankhouser. Answer (1 of 6): I cried um I thought of all of our memories good and bad and I am going through depression and I didn't know how to react I was just shocked and cried and I miss him and I kept thinking why would he do that and he would be graduation this year. I have struggled heavily with my fathers loss. One guy tried to kill himself 5 times. I was stunned. Appreciate the link and will check out that sub. Unfortunately things arent going so well. =), Ive suffered another loss, my husband and I separated 2 years ago and were both still in pain for this. Chris Coleman July 10, 2022 at 2:04 pm Reply. I have isolated myself, some days getting out of bed is impossible. His car didnt smell like alcohol anymore and he was always talking about how he enjoyed countless golfing trips and diner dates he took with his girlfriend, we were so happy for him. You can just talk about him if you'd like. We were so happy. It makes me wonder if there was something we could have done and it makes me want to know why He did it but we dont know and we probably never will. nothing makes sense to me. I at least would have wanted to say good bye and hold him (even though he hates it) and tell him that I love him and that I was so proud of him. Dont worry about tomorrow or even later today or what you could have done in the past. Go climb the shedits only ice and snow on the ground it wont hurt if you fall. After calling his cell phone all night, he called me at 7:45 am. And while we loved him, he was often difficult to be around and very hard to get close to. my brother killed himself and i blame myself. Anti depression medicine included. He has my heart until the end. , Isabelle Siegel February 9, 2021 at 9:16 am Reply. i never got to say goodbye. While making eggs I felt the Lord tell me to drop to my knees and pray for my . The people that I know that knew him only knew him a little better then I did, as we all belonged to a MeetUp group. I was shaking all over couldnt breath I was angry and so upset all at once and I didnt even know what happened. Ive always wanted that big family that you see on tv with the happy grandparents in there grandkids lives and all the sisters and kids getting along. I wish I could hug tightly each one of you: I feel your pain which is mine as well and I hope you will find the strength to honour their life with putting extra light in yours. Maria Lyall June 3, 2016 at 2:14 am Reply, My son took his own life 3months ago at the age of 30. I am so sorry for your loss ): my dad did this a couple weeks ago and my 20 year old son and my little brother 25 found him the both did cpr on him its just a nightmare so many whys such pain ! Even in death she still gave everything. I have no words to explain the heartache or pain and I have begged and begged to just wake up and have it all be a cruel joke. I knew, yet I never had the courage to finally talk to her. I can never share with him again all we had together. And despite the love, concern, and support he did have, that he didnt have the help he needed. But I will be moving forward on my own. But it did and I am wrecked. Approximately 90%of those who die by suicide have one or more mental disorders. I dread it. Now that will never happen. He had the great idea to play 3 man football with a piece of gravel while waiting for the bus on the first day of school. Please how can i fight this emptiness in me. I never would have thought in a million years that people could be so unsympathetic or callous to such a tragedy as suicide. 5 hours more or less after Id left his house. I know many were shocked at her sudden and untimely death by suicide. and Ill never forget those eyes staring back at me and informing me shed shot herself in the head and was dead. I lost it! Counseling definitely helps. He was my best friend from the start. It has helped. I believe his death contributed to her death. My husband decided to take his life. I will say this, seeking out a life coach was the best thing I could have done for myself. I am not sure how I will get through this and I question my self-worth for not being or doing enough to save him. The grownups around me at the time handled it poorly and I believe that has strongly impacted on my journey through the grief. I personally feel attracted to your post, because I am having a hard personal moment right now and your situation makes me think about many possibilities. Kim, you are not to blame for your sons death, for which I am deeply sorry, otherwise I am to blame for my sons death because of depression. After that I had finals so we didnt communicate that much, but he did come to see me and my siblings everyday. The part that makes it impossible to get past. this is my double edged sword, my catch 22: end myself to end my suffering/end myself to rid the guilt for deceiving this amazing person/rid myself because there lies no hope of my head getting better. But he kept refusing. He is apart of me. It was all in the letter, every reason behind his suicide was a reason I gave him and I just wish I'd never packed . And it literally feels like a broken heart. there will be no note(s). i am a newlywed with an amazing wife, friends, and job. That I did not try hard enough. On April 8th the love of my life took her life almost right in front of me. I had quite a different experience with the same well known geoup you mention. So until my husband had passed 43 and my children older than 11 and 9, I lived in dread. He would talk about how he wants to die and wants the pain to end, but I would always talk him out of it and say how he has so much potential. No amount of time will mend this heart of ours. Ik hes looking over you where he is now , I'm not a professional, but I do know it's common to copy your siblings but to this degree? Or, at least can. And to be another voice/story out there in hopes that it can help someone in some way. I dont say a lot, just listen. Moments later it went off. I lost my mother to suicide when my youngest was about a year old. We took him off of life support 12/23/18 as there was no hope. Thank you for listening I just cant sleep or function and just needed to share. My 16 year old daughter took her life on 12/28/2020. So many questions dont have answers but this one is the biggest. Dear Prudence, My boyfriend killed himself last week. When I was ill, he became aware of my issues. Im told the fact that he avoided me was a sign that he cared about me, and wanted to protect me from the pain he caused. She expressed to me that she was so mad that she had to deal with bipolar disorder for the rest of her life. This has torn me apart literally. Although we do monitor these comments, unless we are directly asked a question or addressed, many times we leave it to other commenters to respond. This was almost 5 years ago. The yard and house that held 20 years of amazing memories and love. I moved him back to our home after his 2nd attempt and also sent him to a rehab centre in KZN. Many people cannot comprehend or understand this type of loss and the implications it has on us, the bereaved, the Suicide Survivors. It does not mean you will act on those thoughts. When I flew to the state he lives she for a living sells guns and knew he was severely struggling and never told us. I wonder if the lizards okay. Sadly, there is a stigma attached to mental illness and suicide. Secrets, even kept with the best of intentions, are destructive. Its okay not to be okay. Thats how we learn thats how we grow. I think I need to do..Something. Two friends burst into tears and Rebecca wondered why they were crying when she wasn't. In those first few moments she was very aware of everyone being very aware of her, so Rebecca tried to act casually, tried to pretend . His memorial was 3 days ago, and Im not a good public speaker, but I still spoke in front of everyone to pay my respects to him and his family, because I know that was the right thing to do. With this in mind, we recommend you learn what you can from your commonalities with other grievers, but take differences with a grain of salt. You did the best you could. If anyone has any suggestions or ways I can connect- let me know. I sometimes feel my heart has literally broken. I hate suicide for others but I believe that I have a right to decide my own fate. This article means a lot to me. Then started asking if anything happens to him will I help his wife with the boys. My mother killed herself after numerous attempts 5 years ago. This website was a lifeline to my grieving in a good way. I have felt many emotions. and that scares the shit out of me. I have a beautiful wife now and am 26 years old but will never be able get this out of my head or the depression. Atlanta, GA: Bolton Press. It has been nine years since my girlfriend died, and I do sometimes enjoy things, though my outlook on life is still one of deep sadness and hopelessness. the night he killed himself he told me how happy he was he had never been this happy in his lifehe had the best kids in the world, his 2 and my 2, he had the best parents, the best siblings and the best girlfriend in the world. I have to walk past the family in the front unit to come and go. It gives me chills when I think about it. He was 10 years older than me, he taught me so much, gave me so much, lived with me my whole life, brought me coffee in the morning. My girlfriend was beautiful, charismatic and beautiful. Especially when things like this happen. In 2 days it will also be his birthday, but I can tell u every year I think about what he would want for me and I try to do better because I know that is what he would want. He overdosed in October 2015 ( I did not know this until he had died in January) and it scared him enough to get into rehab, but he used again in January knowing full well that he could die. Although we may have a long way to go in understanding suicide and effective suicide prevention, we have thankfully progressed far beyond the dark days when people considered suicide a crime or religious offense. It typically doesnt bother me too much, but it seems that I hear a suicide joke at least once a week. He also had substance issues, but the mental illness really took precedence over all of that. He had so much going for him. Its been about a year and a half since it happened. Thankyou, Doug Overall May 27, 2016 at 3:16 pm Reply, Thank you for your posting. I am, we all are, stunned. She had had many emotional problems and tried to kill herself several times. He had to move to Poland last year and although we werent together he would video call his son . We kissed once and you could tell it was a perfect match. Feeling okay again will take time. My friend killed herself during Spring Break. My bestfriend. No one to talk to, to tell about your day, to talk about your childrens successes, strives, their challenges. He had brain damage when he was born as his umbilical cord was around his neck and the doctors told my parents he would never read or write. I heard him go back to the cabinets. She had me and my other 3 sisters!! If a person interprets their symptoms as dangerous, threatening, or indicative of a larger mental or physical problem, they are more likely to fear their reactions. Its just I miss and love and regret so much now. I did not know he had been struggling with depression for years. My heart goes out to you, your son and brother. I lose focus in school, I cant get him out of my head. He may be at peace but today I have none. But for all I know he could of had plans to kill me then himself. I too, lost my precious daughter, Kelly, by suicide. I remember she was sitting in the car and the radio was so loud. I posted this on another article, but it really belongs hereand edited for this space My husband, age 43, killed himself just over a month ago.
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